You know you have a problem when your two year old has to physically cover up your phone with his hand because you're too busy looking at Facebook and not paying attention to him. That's sad, but that's the reality that slapped me right in the face last week. I knew I had a problem. I would tell myself I wasn't going to check my phone, then 5 seconds later, check it out of sheer habit. Not because anything was going on. Not because I had someone I needed to contact. Not because I needed to post anything vital. Just because. Checking Facebook was as routine for me as walking. Thinking. Breathing. It was something I just did, without ever thinking about it.
Since the SCOTUS ruling on marriage equality, directly followed by the Charleston shooting and the great debate about the Confederate battle flag, I had thought more and more about deleting my page. Facebook is the biggest chalkboard on which you get to write your opinion in big, bold, caps lock colors. I saw so many memes. I read so many people's opinions. I saw charts. I read Bible verses. I saw pictures. I saw pictures that my friends had created to make fun of other pictures. I started to see a side of my friends that I didn't want to see- some of it got ugly and hateful and downright rude. Facebook was not a fun place to be. It became a place that made me anxious and angry. I didn't want to feel that way about people I liked. I didn't need to know those things about them.
I sat down and calculated the amount of "free time" I spent on Facebook per day and it was ridiculous. For me, Facebook was an all day thing (as in I checked it when I woke up in the morning and the last thing I looked at before going to sleep). I didn't have to text my family to check in because I already knew what they were doing because I saw it on Facebook. I didn't need to call and tell my best friend Happy Birthday! because I wrote it on her Facebook wall. Hell, I haven't gotten a party invitation in I don't know how long because everything is sent through virtual invitations (I'm still old fashioned though and I have (and always will) mail out paper invitations for my boys because I think those things are important to have). About 75% of my conversations with my friends and family revolved around what we had seen or knew because of Facebook. I would get upset if I saw some friends out doing something if I wasn't invited too. I would get jealous because so-and-so lost 30 pounds and looks amazing in her new bikini picture, which she proudly put up so everyone could see, and I'll never look like that. I would be worried that people may delete me as a friend on Facebook because of something I said. Seriously. This was my life. Then I got to thinking...
why does a social media site completely hinder our ability to actually be social?
So I quit. I quit Facebook. I've quit before. I've given it up for Lent. I've gone on hiatuses. I've come back. BUT not this time. This time, I'm reclaiming my life. If people want to tell me something, they're going to have to call me. If people want to invite me to a party, they're going to have to send me an invitation. If people want to know what's going on with my life, they're going to have to check in. I'm done putting my life on Facebook solely for the approval of 1,051 people while ignoring the 2 (almost 3) people and sweet puppy dog who live right here in my house. I'M DONE.
So I thought "How do I make SURE I'm done?" I've had a lot of skeptics (friends actually) that said I can't do this and I'm not strong enough and I'll be back on Facebook soon, but they're wrong. I made sure of it. I started by deleting all of my friends. ALL of them. Every. Single One. Even my husband. I didn't want to be tempted to sneak on one day and check in and get sucked right back in to the Facebook vortex. So that's what I did. I got some good finger/hand exercise and deleted every last person. THEN I changed my name. THEN I changed my profile picture and cover photo. THEN I changed my password to some combination of letters and numbers that I typed randomly into the computer and that was that. I was done.
AND let me tell you, it feels... weird. It's weird, but I'll get used to it. I've already picked up my phone (out of habit) about 18 times to check Facebook only to realize it's not there, and that's strange, but guess what?
I'll live. And I'll be a better wife, and a better mother, and maybe with all this free time, I'll try to pick up the Bible a little more and read it because I've been meaning to since I learned how to read, and goodness knows I have plenty of time to do it now.
Love,
Mrs. P
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